Monday, November 9, 2015

Ancient Tightening Agents of the Underworld

Major activities are usually linked to two of the scariest words in our vocabulary: Agent and underworld. Regardless, is there any good that can be associated with these words?
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Every now and again memories interrupt my day to day movements.  They come without warning whether they are good or bad. Some memories make me laugh, smile, frown, or utter rass. One of my memory-surges brought back the oddest stories about the vagina.  Most were from my susceptible years while gossiping with friends after eating loads of food.  The most flummoxing thing to me is that the vagina sits in a discreet location, shuddered in privacy, yet it is always singled out as a conversation piece, subjected to finger pointing, abuse, scandal and maliciousness. The statement “it gud yuh si” is rarely dispersed about the vagina.




One story in particular had me smiling as I walked along the busy pavements of Midtown, Manhattan.  The recollection surrounded some of the males from back in the day.  Unknown to the females, the males, in their unskilled manner, had the audacity to practice medicine on them during their sexual pursuits and exploits. A close inspection of the fingernails would be taken to see the color. This would determine if the female was having her menstrual cycle.  Also, to rule out pregnancy the pulse at the neck was thoroughly scrutinized.  Most alarming are the Willie penny and lime that the males carried in their trousers pocket to perform on the spot lab work to notify them of any sexually transmitted diseases. In all of this I am not privileged to relay any results that the Willie penny and lime practice yield because the males kept their findings a secret. One thing for sure, though, they held the Willie penny and lime in high esteem. With such cocky behavior and their layman practice in medicine, they should also note the whimsical nature of the vagina; always causing excitement and leaving jaw dropping knowledge.  Surmounting stories have also exposed and conveyed that the vagina is resilient and has the potential to bamboozle even the most learned person.

Talk about the vagina is everywhere.  It is in every crevice, corner, nook and cranny.  Many moons ago, a few months after residing in Kingston, Jamaica’s capital, my rural and na├»ve upbringing received a jolt. I had undecidedly accompanied a friend to visit one of her family members in the not-so-good side of town. Her hue was brown.  She was rotund and pleasant, looked fortyish and sported shoulder length black hair in its natural form. She was chatting and laughing in the company of other women and seemed versed in the area of sexual intercourse. I voraciously listened as she and her friends gossiped about the manner in which ladies should take care of their bodies, particularly the vagina. She expressed that the vagina should be kept healthy, pink and tight at all times. “No Man nuh waan noh looseness. Wash it up with Alum and brown soap,” she boasted, patting hers. This delighted her friends.  They laughed and tossed their bodies wildly in their spaces. I couldn’t believe the gall of the ladies. They must be joking, I said to myself. What the hell is alum?  What does it look like? At least I know brown soap and its purpose. It was used to wash clothes and I also used it to wash my hair.  According to my mother, brown soap cuts grease and dirt giving things fresh scent and brightness.

The ladies’ discussion sounded vulgar, yet it was intriguing to me, especially when they later mentioned that alum is an excellent personal care item that should be used after childbirth. It puts back tightness and elasticity to the vagina, according to them.  Looking back at brown soap and alum, the tightening agents for the vagina as touted by the ladies, I cannot help but wonder if this has been scientifically proven. If so, this alternative would be great as some women would not bother to engage in Kegel exercises, or hold pee in midstream a couple times before emptying completely. Or, even submit themselves to surgical procedures to regain tightness of the vagina.

Some people often joke and refer to the vagina as having teeth and that it bites.  Hence, looking at tightness from another angle, can you imagine if the vagina had the ability to identify and trap all cheaters, adulterers, deceivers and the curious in a tight hold?  Revelation!  Jubilee!  Bangarang (uproar)!  In my opinion, the next personal care agent for the vagina, whether in the layman’s or scientific world should have such power. A lot of people would be taking stock of self then.


Tah-tah!   Look before leaping.

Grace Dunkley-Asphall, Copyright © 2015

7 comments:

  1. Alum...never heard of it. Some people born with glammity and dont have to do do a thing, baby or not.
    Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks for the response...point taken. However some people aren't blessed at birth and have to take matters into their own hands...literally :)

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  2. Alum...never heard of it. Some people born with glammity and dont have to do do a thing, baby or not.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Heard Alum was good for soaking the gums after a tooth extraction, well you live and you learn. But laud ma, you no kebba you mouth no, you letting out all a we secrets. Ahahahaaaeeeee,hahahahaha.

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    1. Thanks for the information. I find it interesting to know that alum can be used as a remedy for dental issues. Wow! I wonder in what capacity if it is for shrinking the gum or healing after extraction. To be honest I have never seen alum. On the issue of "kebba you mouth", I can't promise not to tell anymore female secrets....Ha!

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  4. Something so precious and sacred should be taken care of in the healthiest way possible. Too many women fail to take care of themselves and it's an embarassment that many were not taught the proper way to keep basic hygiene in this area. In terms of tighening or healing, Kegel works wonders for the body. Practice in a safe and haelthy way.

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    1. ...and this is why it is even more pressing that we read books and ask questions.

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