The Random House Dictionary of the English Language, College
Edition, has defined the word hug as: 1)
to clasp tightly in the arms; esp. with affection; embrace. 2) to cling firmly or fondly to; cherish: to
hug an opinion. 3) to keep close to: to
hug the shore. 4) to cling together; lie
close. 5) a tight clasp with the arms;
embrace.
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| Blanche Asphall with Shemar Moore (actor) |
According to its definition, a hug can be used in many
different contexts. More importantly, hug
is a potent form of nonverbal communication that is used when greeting each
other. Sometimes it is exercised as a
touch and go, sometimes it is prolonged, sometimes it is unbearably crushing, and
sometimes it is an endless display of emotion.
Of course there are other forms of nonverbal communication that are used
to greet each other which remain whimsical, bumptious and bold. For example, sometimes the force from a slap
on the back has the receiver rubbing the spot in anguish or struggling to
control steadiness much to the amusement of the giver and those present. A firm handshake sometimes leaves a crippling
effect for a moment. The methodical
display of the high-five, low-five and the fist bump truly warrants tryouts at
the Olympics. Even then none of these
listed forms of nonverbal communication can compare to the hug.
To hug in my upbringing meant hugging my parents or my
parents hugging me. It was a nonverbal
communication for those in need of comfort, or for the people who are involved
in an intimate relationship. Back then,
as a child, to see two people cling to each other in a tight embrace was
frightening. I would quickly look away
because only grownups who were in love hugged in that manner. Yes, there were times when children hugged
each other but it was with one hand around each other’s neck, standing side by
side.
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| High Five |
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| Low Five |
There is no doubt in my mind that hugs have cultural
connotations. I was rather taken aback
the first time I arrived in North America and saw people greeting each other
with a hug. Whoa! I said in my
mind. Why do they have to greet with a
hug? Some hardly knew each other yet they
throw their arms around each other’s neck and lock their bodies tight. I quickly decided that I was not going to
join the posse of huggers. Hence on each
account when greeting someone, I discharge a quick smile and a hello; and if I
had no time to dodge a hug, I would remain stiff as a starched crinoline in
that hugger's arm. The response was usually
viewed as impolite and rude whereas that was a natural course for me. To add fuel to the fire I would safeguard my
lower body from making contact with the lower body of the hugger.
After a couple years I understood that the North American
challenge was on with hugging. Therefore,
it didn’t seem appropriate to continue embracing my Jamaican isms and schisms. If hugging was a cultural gesture then by all
means I had to get in the swing of things so to speak. According to the old saying, When in Rome do
as the Romans do. Furthermore, I was
concerned that I would be seen as a misfit in society if I did not adapt to this
form of social greeting. I started out
with fenkeh-fenkeh (feeble) hugs here and there and then with much practice, I
began hugging Tom, Dick, and Harry. To make things seem rather super-duper, I
would add a swift kiss on the cheek of the receiver or do cheek to cheek and
then let go of each other. To this day,
I even harbor guilt when I do not greet people with a hug.
Inasmuch as a hug can be calculated as a suggestive
behavior, I find that a good, strong hug is just as medicinal as laughter. It heals the soul and mind. It extracts all the cares and worry for the
quick moment I remain shielded by the giver. Sometimes a hug is like a bank. It deposits, withdraws and transfers. For example in the same manner the engaging
parties can enjoy hugging, it is just as easy to walk away with something
personal: the lingering odor of tobacco, cigarette, cologne, perfume and
perspiration. A hug can bring out the
ferociousness in a person if an attempt is made to hug someone who does not
embrace this nonverbal communication. Rejecting
a hug is just as dangerous. An
unauthorized hug at a party is the recipe for a brawl. It is considered disrespectful when a male
patron solicits a waltz, noted as a hug, from a female in the presence of her male
company. A hug can be spontaneous. In some situations the source will be
considered mediocre but by then the receiver will be too frightened to take
offence. A hug can also make a dream
come true. I recall having reached out
to hug someone as I greeted him. He
quickly received me, arrested me in his arms, and then whispered, “Gal yuh noh
how long mi waan hug yuh up? Thank God
fi America, because if it was Jamaica mi couldn’t get dis ya opportunity. Yuh
feel suh gud in a mi arms.” The torturous
embrace, luckily for me, was broken when I reacted with a raucous laugh.
So far, much has been said about hugs. Besides the spontaneity of them, should an
informed decision be made before engaging in a hug? There are a few questions to consider. Should I engage in hug because it seems
right? Should I engage in a hug because
it embraces culture? Should I engage in
a hug because it appears to be a good style?
Should I engage in a hug because it is comforting? Should I engage in a hug because my peers
do? Should I engage in a hug because it
is romantic? Should I engage in a hug
because it signifies caring? The
judgment call is already amusing.
Tah-tah! Position one’s
self with good intentions.
Grace Dunkley-Asphall, Copyright © 2014
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